you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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