she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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