She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
