hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
