Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
