you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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