he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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