oh god the rape fog is back!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
