New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is wine microwaveable?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
