I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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