Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
