i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
