Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
