then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
