I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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