i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize