508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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