My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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