Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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