He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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