the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
