My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
