Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
