I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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