Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
