How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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