hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
