Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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