hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
