Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
