Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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