Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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