I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
