Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
