Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
