normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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