Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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