The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
