I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just blew my weed a kiss
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
