I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
