I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
