i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
