yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
