So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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