Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
