we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
