you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
