Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
