You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize