I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
