You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
