Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
