i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
