K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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