I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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