Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize