it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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