a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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