have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
