I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Alive.
So much puke
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
